Anime guns

sorry if my previous post was a little long. But i felt my soul needed to tell a true story. hopefully to help some youngster from doing anything that they may regret. not any one person mind you, but every young person that is living now…how i used to live then.

It’s a curious thing that we all decide to power up our laptops and desktop computers and find out just what our fellow human being is doing in their part of the world. I’m certain that much of the time we are just attempting to hold the boredom at bay and be entertained for as long as our day will allow us, before we have to go fulfill our daily duties or be of the masses that only get on tumblr right before bed. I am a married thirty-something that is looking forward to being a daddy and having the american dream. Perhaps i should expand a little to allow a better picture to be painted. When i was a younger man i often times asked myself what i would like to be when i got older. “Well surely i’ll be a man of certain respect and have a car and house and attain all the knowledge of the known universe.” thought I. Little did i realize that no full grown adult has all the answers, and if they say they do their blowing smoke up your ass (lying). I’ve been a sheltered little, scrawny, white boy from a trailer park in northern Indiana. That had to learn all of life’s lessons the hard way. My mother died from breast cancer when i was barely twenty. my father lost his mind and had to be admitted. I’ve been my older sister’s protector and at times benefactor. I’ve grown and self-educated myself as much as i could since i came from nothing and have been clawing my way upward ever since. I’ve tasted the bitter end of a barrel and felt the trigger on my toe. I’ve known the pain of heart ache as well as a five man street beat down and woke up in a pool of my own blood. I’ve been beaten and bullied and on a few special occasions almost killed. But i am resilient. I am strong. Not just of mind or body, but of will. I remember seeing the white light at the end of that long tunnel and hearing my mothers sweet voice ushering me in…but i am resilient. I denied my mothers sweet gesture into the sweet unknown. And knew right then and their that if i am to stay on this earth that i will help all that i can. Not to be batman, but just kind of…maybe…a little batman-ish. I’ve stood at my full 6 foot 1 inches and told a group of bullies that maybe this little man is not worth their time. Saving him the beating i know too well. I’ve stood face to face with a guy that thought it would be a good idea to beat his girlfriend in public and “convinced him otherwise.” Let me assure you that i am NO vigilante. I’m just a man that has values and moral’s and will not allow anyone to bend those attributes to their self image of right and wrong. I had to learn that what is right for people may not always be “legal” or “legit”. But if it saves a life and saves a person of any age, race or religion from and ugly injustice then i don’t think we should tell them “sorry i can’t throw you a life preserver because i’m not a licensed professional, so you’ll just have to drown so i don’t get arrested for getting involved. Old, bored, white law makers scare me more than anything else. I’ve been to the brink of death many times in my life. I’ve felt the pain, got the scars…physical as well as mental and emotional. thankfully i’ve not had to do anything that would make me break the law to help another person. I’ve always found a way to work with the authorities on any confrontation i’ve had. But i know how it is to be young, ugly and unloved by all. including the majority of your own family. So i hope that if you’ve read this far you will know i speak the truth when i tell you IT GETS BETTER. Life works if you work it. Not always the way you want or think it will work. but it works. all you have to do is find a passion, it doesn’t even matter which passion. but just grab onto it and hold it and help it along as much as you can without getting discouraged and keep an open mind. Someday all your failures will line up to be successes and then soon after your life will take a total 180 and you might even have difficulty remembering the hard times. As hard as that is to imagine. I myself have so many different passions, from creating music to painting to podcasting to reading and writing that it sometimes gets impossible to do everything that i love to do. But that’s alright with me since i know that my greatest accomplishment on this earth will be when my beautiful wife and i have a child of our very own. I will then be able to be the father i myself never had. I will be supportive and nurturing and protective and all the other things that my father was the opposite of. Yes my father was a fan of kicking my ass on an almost daily basis. I look forward to teaching my future child all the things i wish my father would have teached me. So if a “professional life” is not one that you think will fulfill you as an adult just remember that a “personal life” as a parent or husband or wife can be even more fulfilling than anything else. It’s YOUR life, no one else’s. It works if YOU work it, no one else. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY IT WILL GET BETTER.  hang in there and know that somewhere…someone loves you very much. you just haven’t met them yet.